Because we say so. That's why.

So, some may not understand this concept. But, most will. Here's the way it works. You sit down look at the menu and realize that the fish you want is served with the oh, the orzo or lentil what ever. Now, the seafood dish sounds amazing, but so does the gratin that is being served with the steak... So, I should be able to have both right? Just a simple substitution. Nope. That is in most terms wrong. The exception being that you're allergic, or have some kind of moral objection to how it is being served.

Here's why. what you don't know about the gratin is that it's full of three different kinds of cheese non of which is going to make your fish taste the way the chef intended it to. It may very well over power your meal so, what you used to be three or four different flavors has now become a thirty dollar plate of texture instead. All you can taste is the Gruyere or whatever it is that's strongest on your plate. Food needs balance. That's why chefs do what they do. This is why you go out to eat. This is why restaurant food is always a different experience than what you can do at home.

Now, some servers will say sure no problem and then go face the diatribe that is the white coats in order to procure you the substandard meal that you've requested. some menus will say in pretty clear print. No Substitutions. There not doing it to be mean. There doing it because it's the best way. Here it comes the diatribe of 'I'm paying therefore my way is the right way'. I'm sorry, really I am. But it's not true. You have to realize that at some point that you don't know everything and don't understand food in the same way that a Chef does. Or even a waiter.

I've seen firsthand these guys develop their menus there is a lot of thought, testing cause, research that goes into their food. My best white coat has an awesome process. I sit on his sofa with a glass of wine, usually opened for his inspiration. And watch him pace around his living room with his eyes half closed staring at the ceiling in his head he's smelling tasting and considering everything about an entree. The texture, smell. color, presentation and more complicated issues like what he can order fresh and when and how consistent ingredients are going to be. Whether or not something too similar is being done within a twenty mile radius of his kitchen.

So, imagine your art. Your thought process and creativity being torn apart by someone who doesn't want anything with butter or wants french fries come hell or high water. Hurts their egos. But, you as a customer don't have to deal with the outcome. There's this great little filter system designed to protect customers from volatile artistic men who in general are overheated, overworked and always a little dehydrated. It's called the server. That would be me. I do my damnedest to talk you out of whatever it is that you think you want to do to their menu. Or if I can't talk you out of your 'craving' for whatever it is that doesn't match up I have a great system of ordering 'on the side'. Sure you can have a gratin but the fish is served with ______ so, I'll get you a side of the gratin. Apart from your entree. See? It's called a compromise between the customers are always right and my chef is going to tell me that I'm going to hell.

Here is another component of your meal that you probably don't think about. It's called, ordering wine.. This can be a bit of a process. Now, if you order the Sauvignon blanc that is so sweet it makes the back of my teeth hurt and then pair it with the lamb chops for dinner i'm going to let you. My justification? You don't know enough about what you're ordering to know that you're missing out. However if you make half an attempt to find a better bottle and think about your meal and your palate as a whole I'm going to help. I'll bring you a Chote Du Rhone that has enough spice to it to compete with the lamb. Or a surprisingly full Pinot Noir because the minerals go well with your mushroom risotto.

I make my pairing decisions based on a few factors. How many men or women are at the table. How well you pronounce the grape varieties on my menu. This tells me whether or not you're a regular wine drinker. If you are I can be a little more creative. And how many different kinds of entrees are at the table. I have my well rounded wines. Certain bottles that go well with several items on my menu. As for my 'by the glass choices' It's a little more detailed. Yes, I have two different Merlot. One I'll serve with pork. One with beef.

Small story, I get called to help other servers when their tables are wanting an entree pairing. I was asked to help table four with a glass of wine. My first question, red or white. The answer from my server, they had a bottle of Syrah and now he wants just a glass of something. I immediately grab my Syrah by the glass as well as my Grenache and Bordeaux. Make it to the table look down as she's setting the glasses down for his taste. And he's having the lamb shank. It needs to be the Syrah. the Bordeaux will die and the Grenache will kill the taste of the side items the lamb is served with. I also see the bottle on the table and wince a little. This guy knows his wine. He's not going to love my glass selection after the bottle but I could have not looked like a moron had I known what his entree was. My bad for not finding out. Her bad for not giving me all the information. But, he has the best from my available options I already knew what it was going to be.

I currently have a bottle on my by the glass selection that is problematic. I've had four bottles in the last few months that have been 'corked'.. Sometimes I can tell by looking at the cork, I can feel when opening a bottle whether or not it's crumbling and of course how much wine has seeped up into the cork. the farther up it goes the greater chance that air has hit the wine or temperature fluctuations have turned the wine into a vinegar mess. As I pour I can tell by the texture and color of the wine. If it doesn't look like previous bottles. I had a lady ask how I can tell if a wine is bad. This is somebody who's never tasted bad wine. end of story. It is possible to think that you're just drinking something really strong. But, that's few and far between. You can tell. It's vinegar and a breakaway texture apart from what is normal.

The moral of the story? Allow yourself a new experience. It's just a meal. You have two or three a day. Seven days a week. One new experience will not be the end of the world.