Nobody is getting any... bored coworkers.

I don't think anybody in my dining room is getting any these days. Here's why.

Everybody is very well rested but not happy about it. They are all very interested in my well.. non love life. My sous chef cracks jokes about my whereabouts on Christmas Eve. I didn't tell anybody where I was or who I was with. I blogged about it a little bit. But, pretty much decided on the drive home that nobody would really be interested in who I had a glass of wine with and where.

My Sous knew 'some' of the details before noon the next day. It took him a few days to let me in on it. But, apparently before I was out of bed it was all over the place. FOH doesn't surprise me. Were servers, most of us are friends whatever... My girl Anita accuses me of flirting with every white coat that shows up. Not true, even remotely but she's bored. And hasn't gotten laid in eight months. How do I know that? Again, were servers. Servers talk it's in our job description 'Must be able to pick up and respond to any social situation'

One of the new White coats made a statement that I was 'off the market'... huh? I'm not. Not technically but is it really that interesting? My busser has been telling me 'To think like a Brazilian' For those of you that haven't experienced Brazilians that means to drink a lot of domestic beer and cheap liquor, embrace the PDA and make sure you go home with somebody. Anybody.

Now, I'm not really insulted by all of this. But, when my damn Chef asks me how 'My man is?' When I respond with that 'assumptions are like assholes' saying he responds back 'Yeah I deserved that' but, I saw him this morning and thought I'd ask. Really? My Chef is married has two kids. He has five white coats under him and he's making the time to come into the dining room an hour before service to grill me because he had obviously overheard bored server conversations. Let's talk about one of the new white coats who sent out raw chicken because he was to busy crying into his cellphone because his girlfriend caught him cheating red handed and was dumped instead of my non love life. Again. I sure as hell wish there was more to talk about than one cheesy Molly Ringwald movie moment weeks ago. But, whatever. Nobody I work with is getting laid, reading a book, watching CNN, reading a paper or magazine. Or doing much of anything other than dissecting my love life...

I have done a very good job in recent years of keeping non working me away from work. for fucks sake I don't even go by my first name on the job. But, somehow things are snowballing on me and it seems to be getting worse and worse. Javiar was telling me about a weird dream he had that featured me. Leaving the Resort because I was knocked up.

Now, why this is fun for me. I kind of like people thinking that there's more to my life than there actually is. The reality is that I've been re-reading Dan Brown novels, watching netflix, I made it to visit my family last week. Bought a new pair of boots. I've been shopping for a new laptop and almost have a clear idea of what all those terms mean. But, hell. People think I'm having sweaty sex in an empty dining room in front of a fireplace, or that I'm halfway to a new rock on the 'good hand' It's kind of fun. Especially the part where I smile and find something else to do, neither confirming or denying any of the shit they're thinking.

This of course keeps the conversation spinning around me. But, I attempted denial early on. It Didn't get me anywhere nobody believed me. And, the rumors also involve my best friend. And, if he doesn't care I don't. I do think that it does have the power to complicate any new and upcoming developments but since that idea just makes me feel a little tired and moderately annoyed I'm not completely opposed to leaving things as they are.

Now, the question is. Why? Granted I know that this kind of 'I wonder if' conversations are not exclusive to restaurants but they do tend to be a little more extreme in my own little world. And how would you play it? I have this little fantasy where the best buddy walks into my server alley lands a really good Grey's Anatomy style kiss on me and walks out leaving chef, Sous Chef, Javiar and the rest of the crew with their mouths hanging open and I very calmly act like it happens every night and I'm going to go pour another glass of Cabernet for my family of five. I then 'volunteer' to leave early and head straight for the parking lot. Show up the next night like I have no idea why they're asking me how my night was. That would be fun.

But, that's not my life. I'm usually in my tweety bird pajama pants and fluffy robe within an hour of being off of work. But, maybe that's what they're waiting for?