Another one for the record books

We all have lists in our heads of things that people have said to us that was inappropriate, rude or just fucked up. I have probably more than my share. Tonight I can add a new one to the list.

Most men are on best behavior when they're out with their wives. It's when they're eating out with other men that I get called 'sweety' or winked at every time I pour a glass of water.

tonight was special. I had a deuce that sat down. The wife pointed out to me that I had waited on her the week before with her grand kids. She then introduced me to her husband who she had brought back for his birthday. He was one of those guys that thinks they're funnier than they are. Nothing specific just a bit of a smart ass.

I bring out their main courses and he asks me if I have any whole grain bread available. these days our bread service consists of a chive biscuit, baguette and a cracker but I went down the hall and found him some wheat bread. As I'm setting it down on the table He looks up and says some comment about gluten.

Went something like this. I set down the bread pick up their bottle of Rombauer and top of her glass.

He says, 'The last time I had to much gluten the waitress had to give me mouth to mouth.'

I fake laugh, we all have a version of 'unfunny tables trying to be funny laugh'.

He then says, 'And if it gets really bad then I'll need my testicles rubbed'.

No shit. I'm not making it up. There is his wife sitting across from him she screeched his name. I walked very quickly away from the table. Now, there's a couple of ways we can play this.

First off, I am a bit of a expert at drunks. This man was sober. Just obnoxious. So, unfortunately that option is out of the window.

The second consideration is that he is a stupid uneducated prick. Which, unfortunately wasn't the case either.

The third being an idiot running his mouth off. Thinking that he could say whatever he wanted because it was his birthday. Which is far more likely.

Here is my point. Somewhere within the first hour they were sitting in my station, being waited on by me. He became comfortable enough with the twenty-something waitress to bring up his testicles in front of her. Now, I'm not an idiot I know that his mouth had nothing to do with me. But, at the same time that isn't my reality. I am not one of those women. I am treated with respect. Dirty kitchen jokes are generally not directed at me. Even flirtatious tables go so far and then know without my telling them, usually that I'm not going to put up with any more.

I felt horrible for his wife. She asked for the check ten minutes later, and had her purse in her lap waiting for him to finish his entree. I wish there was a way for me to let her know that I knew that wasn't her reality that she expected more from him. The second part was my being just plain pissed off.

In a perfect world I could have figured out a way to put him in his place. I can guarantee that his sorry ass will be sleeping on his couch tonight. Small consolation but I'll take it.